wordsofdespair (wordsofdespair) wrote,
wordsofdespair
wordsofdespair

"Lovin' You" - Chapter 7/?

A/N:Because I am a horrible, unsocialable person, using my aunty's computer on Good Friday. Oh lol, she just came in >.<
Anyway, seems as though none of you read my last post, most likely because I didn't post it on any communities, just my journal.
Here, have an update.
I hope everyone has a good easter. Don't eat too much chocolate<33
Sorry if it's awkward, crappy, or not what you want xD I can't update again until i finish the next chapter O_O see, this is not what I wanted to happen but it happened anyway. I guess I'll just have to get ahead again<3

Chapter 7


I was happy. I didn’t care if it was momentary: I was happy. Happiness. I didn’t need to tell myself I was happy; I could feel it. I didn’t need to constantly remind myself to smile, to hug and kiss Yun Ho, or to tell him I loved him.

Those things came naturally. For the past week I had been living life like I had always imagined it would be.

I had friends, and I had the person I loved. Like he should be, like he used to be. Like we used to be.

I had talked to Yoo Chun and Jun Su, just told them that Yun Ho and I had been having problems but we were fine now. I knew they knew what he had really been doing to me; but they didn’t press further and I didn’t say any further. I knew Chang Min would have explained everything to them.

We became better friends, all five of us, slowly getting to know each other. We hung out after classes, even had them around for dinner the other night. That had been awkward.

Yun Ho had stood up in front of everyone and apologised. Apologised to them for the way he had acted in front of them. And then he told me he loved me.

We were all happy and we were all moving forwards.

Then Chang Min invited me over.

I walked down the hall of the apartment building, stopping in front of Chang Min’s door and adjusting my clothes before ringing the bell.

I wasn’t looking forward to stepping into the apartment, it didn’t hold very good memories for me. Chang Min had invited me there to talk. Just like the last time.

I quickly changed my frown to a bright smile as he opened the door and invited me in.

“Hey,” I said cheerily as turned back around and headed straight for the kitchen.

“Want a drink or something?” he asked over his shoulder, standing at the fridge.

“Ah...maybe just some water or something,” I said, moving to sit at the kitchen table.

I was a bit nervous and a bit confused. I didn’t really know why he had invited me here. He seemed fine on the phone, and now he was being weird and...distant.

I looked up, trying not to smile too wide as he handed me a glass of water, and moved to sit across from me, cracking open a can of coke.

“Hows things?” he asked after taking a sip. I froze for a moment, looking into his eyes across the table.

“Great, everything’s great,” I said, playing with the condensation on the side of my glass. I smiled as I thought of Yun Ho and I, how far we’d come.

“That’s good... so how’s everything going at uni?” he said, continuing to make small-talk. It confused me even more, but most of all annoyed me. I decided I wasn’t going to play along. This obviously wasn’t why he asked me here.

“Well, everything’s great for Yun Ho, I mean, he’s just so smart and handles everything so well. I’m only there for him so I just need to pass so I don’t pay much attention.” I said casually, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of him.

He shifted in his seat, taking another sip from his can of drink before saying a quiet “Oh.”

I looked anywhere but at him, deciding instead to continue playing with my glass, tracing a little pattern around the edge with my finger. I could feel his eyes on me. He was about to say something.

“Jae I-”

“Chang Min,” I said, cutting him off. “Why did you invite me here?”

I heard his breath catch. He didn’t expect me to be so forward. I looked up and saw fear in his eyes. I softened instantly; he didn’t need to feel scared around me. Not ever.

“Chang Min ah?” I asked quietly, extending my hand across the table and holding his. “Is this about...the kiss?”

I knew he would want to talk about that. The thing that scared me was I knew I felt something for him, even if it was after an innocent kiss.

“Yes Jae Joong...I...I’m sorry about that,” he squeezed my hand back, looking away for a moment, placing his can of drink on the table.

“No, it was my fault, I-”

“Jae Joong, I like you,”

I sat back abruptly, staring at him and not caring what it made him feel. He had brought me here to confess that he liked me? How could he do that? How could he do that when he knows what I’ve been through, when he knows that things are finally going right for Yun Ho and I?

I barely knew him and he...

I sighed. Why was my life so complicated?

“Chang Min...” I started.

“Jae Joong, I more than like you. I love you. I love everything about you. You are such a strong and beautiful person. You deserve so much more than him.”

He said the last words with a particular venom, standing up and staring me down from across the table. I stood up too, shocked and angry. He couldn’t do this to me...

“I can’t believe you Chang Min...I...I-I love Yun Ho! You know how well things are going for us!” I almost shouted, feeling the tears well up in my eyes.

“Don’t lie to yourself like that Jae,” Chang Min gasped, eyes dark. “He will never change and you know it.”

A sob escaped my mouth, and I covered it with my hand as I felt the tears fall. I slowly stepped backwards, almost falling as my back came into contact with the long couch in the living area.

Chang Min followed me slowly, head shaking as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“He won’t stop hurting you,”

“No!” I gasped, eyes closed, wanting to shut out all the images flooding into my head as I thought of Yun Ho. When had all my memories and thoughts of him become bad ones?

“He loves me, he changed, he changed for me!” I sobbed again, opening my eyes and feeling Chang Min’s strong arms enveloping my shaking body.

I sighed, loosening to his embrace as he pulled me to sit next to him on the couch.

“Did the kiss mean nothing to you?” he asked gently, one hand running up and down my arm in a soothing action.

I let his soft touches and words sink into me, thinking about them. Just thinking. My mind was fighting an internal battle. I always told myself that I wouldn’t be stupid in relationships. I would never let myself get into a relationship like ours. I always swore I would not be blinded by love.

“No, Chang Min, I...”

I realised that actions would speak louder than any of my words could at that time. I leant over, kissing him not too softly, but not too harshly either.

He gasped and I took that opportunity to delve my tongue in, moaning as I felt the sensation of his mouth and tongue against mine. It felt so much better than anything I had imagined; I was finally immersed in his smell and taste and all thoughts of my problems and pain were erased.

He sighed happily, laying me down and straddling my hips as we continued our desperate kiss. He thrust downwards, eliciting a moan from both of our mouths as our clothed crotches came in contact.

He broke away from my mouth, panting heavily against my neck as I lifted my arms and he helped me take off my shirt. He ran his hands softly down my chest, his fingers tracing over my bruises that were slowly fading away.

I gasped slightly, shuddering as he took a nipple of mine in his tongue, swirling and teasing before licking his way down my chest. He brought his mouth back up to mine as he slowly undid my pants, lapping at my tongue with his as I felt his hand on the elastic of my boxers.

He slid both layers of clothing down, delicately taking my length in his hand, touching it lightly. I groaned lowly, looking up into Chang Min’s eyes as he let go of me and took off his own clothing.

I smiled, looking at his god-like body. The perfect tan of his face and neck continued down his chest and the rest of his body. My eyes were in heaven; they drank up the sight of his muscular arms and well defined chest. I groaned as he lay back on top of me, the skin of our bodies meeting for the first time.

He kissed me again, looking me straight in the eyes and smiling as he pulled away. I smiled back, giggling childishly as he blew the hair out of my eyes.

I laid my palms on his shoulders, almost holding him up as I shifted underneath him. He grabbed my ass, massaging it firmly as he nibbled on my earlobe, causing me to close my eyes and moan in delight, squirming under his touch.

“Joongie...?” he panted.

“Mmm...just fuck me,” I gasped, hips bucking upwards.

“Lube...underneath the couch...” was all he managed to get out as he pressed our bodies firmly together, falling in between my legs.

Once I had found the lube, smiling at his naughtiness, I put some on his fingers so he could prep me, before applying a generous amount to his cock.

Our eyes never left each others as his finger slid inside me, and as I started to pump his cock slowly, both teasing each other as to what was to come.

I could tell he was naughty in this area, and that I was going to enjoy this first time with him, and maybe next time I could show him my sexually deviant side. If there was going to be a next time...

I mentally scolded myself, trying to put all thoughts other than what we were doing and sharing at this moment out of my head. As soon as I looked into his eyes I felt the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.

He loves me, and is doing this because he loves me. But do I really love him back? Had he won me over so easily with his words and touches? Was I some whore?

I groaned in shame as I felt his fingers leave me, his grip on my waist tighten.

“Is something wrong Joongie?” he whispered gently in my ear.

Yes! Yes, everything is wrong! My mind screamed, but I took a deep breath and shook my head. “No...”

“Ok...” he smiled, kissing me fiercely as he slowly entered my body.

I gasped, my eyes brimming with tears not only from the slight pain he was causing me but from the immense feeling of guilt that was eating at me. I felt like my chest was going to explode.

How could I do this to Yun Ho? He loved me and was changing and I was letting him down...

I felt a sob escape my mouth, the tears now flowing down my cheeks. I wanted to die... I wanted him to stop.

“Chang Min...stop!” I sobbed, body shaking.

“No, Jae, it’s ok, it’ll get better,”

“Please...please stop!”
Tags: pairing: jaemin, pairing: yoosu, pairing: yunjae, title: lovin' you, type: chaptered fic
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